Anyone who’s been on a night out in Dubai will have run into at least one of these ten stereotypes – and no I am not saying this covers every man, these are just some you’re bound to find.
The Aging Playboy
Often regulars at a specific bar or club these guys will normally set themselves up at a table by the dance floor with a bottle they’ve bought where they can best survey the crowd.
You can spot the seasoned veterans as they often already have their pick of freebie groupies in it for the free flowing drinks but tend to try and infiltrate the nearest herd of young pretty women.
They can be sweet or they can be sleazy but either way always keep in mind: there is no such thing as a free lunch.
The Drawing Pin
We all know you shouldn’t skip leg day, but apparently some people don’t think the rule applies to them. These are the lads who, from the waist up are built like a brick shit house, their neck is non-existent and they can barely put their arms down, but they clearly form a triangle with legs that impressively support their top heavy physique.
It’s rare you’ll find these guys on the dance floor, it’s more likely they’ll be propping up the bar or wall and leering at the girls throwing some shapes. Nine times out of ten they are lovely, kind guys but unless you’re prepared to talk gains, weights and protein shakes you’re probably not going to have much to talk about.
You can spot them a mile off, they travel in packs and live and die by the bro code – at least they like to think they do.
Easily identifiable by their numerous drinking chants, overtly sexual dance moves and an infatuation with shots they will often be seen in skin tight jeans cut just about the ankle (or on less formal occasions colourful shorts hemmed above the knee), loafers – often without socks and a polo shirt buttoned all the way up of a “dee-vee” t-shirt that one could argue is a size too small.
Their approach is anything but smooth so watch out for cheesy pick up lines, shallow compliments and very little conversation.
The Smooth Talker
Also known as a f***boy these smooth talking guys are snakes in the grass.
Often found on Tinder these guys are the ones who have a very special skill for making everyone they speak to feel like the centre of the universe, but keep in mind they probably have at least three others on the go too.
They aren’t always easy to spot but chances are they spend longer on their hair than you did getting ready and their Instagram feed is 90% selfies or shots of them with their lads but almost never a girlfriend.
The Drunk Guy
Arm yourself for unwanted conversation and physical contact because these guys will not pick up on body language and subtleties. Their slurred conversations, incessant need to lean in to you when they speak and unfocused eyes are a clear give away of a guy who’s had a few too many.
These are the guys who don’t know when enough is enough, whether it’s the drinks or the conversation, even if he does leave chances are he’ll be back in a few minutes with another beer in hand. The best way to avoid these kinds of guys is to keep moving and loose yourself in the crowd, eventually he’ll find some other helpless soul or get dragged out by a bouncer.
A word of caution: never try and get aggressive or forceful with them, often it results in messy fights and bar bans.
Looking a little bit out of place these are the guys are easy to spot, their most notable tell? A need to comment on the price of alcohol after every purchase.
There are two types of tourist, the ones who are way too excited about being in Dubai, and the ones who are so unimpressed. Either way, chances are you won’t be able to shut them up. Be prepared for 20 questions about your life and a few too many drinks and keep in mind, he’ll be getting on a plane in a few days.
This is the guy who always goes home alone no matter what. Whether he meets someone or not before the end of the night he’s in a cab on his way home with nothing but his midnight Burger King.
There is no hard and fast rule as to why but these are the guys who seem pretty normal, then one trip to the bathroom or a trip to the bar and they’ve disappeared. Maybe they’re not ready, maybe they’re tired, who knows; either way, don’t expect to hear from him again.
The Sleeze Ball
Identifying features: slicked back hair, too tight trousers and long pointy shoes.
These are they guys who’s unwanted advances usually occur on the dance floor in the form of unsolicited gyration, often from behind, they are the ones who just will not take a hint and laugh it off every time you attempt to politely ask them to leave you alone.
He spends a weeks wages on a night out trying to get the girl and gets offended when he is turned down for coming on too strong.
The Strong Silent Type
Often found sitting in the corner of the bar by himself these guys are stoic loners who just seem to be there to people watch. Rarely interested in engaging with others these guys avoid eye contact and don’t appreciate unwanted guests at their table.
Despite their seeming distain for social interactions they are often the first ones in and the last ones out and, being creatures of habit, they will be there almost every week like clockwork.
The type of guy UAE Affairs was made for. These are the shameless two timers who stray from their significant others in search of greener pastures.
Some have zero shame and can be found out on the pull wedding ring still glimmering on their finger, others are more sneaky and make sure to hide the evidence before hand.
Often out with colleagues or a sports team and rarely just out for a night on the town they are likely to be flashing the cash, making the most of their freedom from family responsibility and aiming for women much younger than their wives.